Approaching the BIG 50 With a Degree of Trepidation
Dating can be a daunting prospect these days, particularly if you are in the ‘senior dating' group that is often used for those over the age of 50, but it doesn't seem that much different, particularly in the 2020's, as there is so much we can do to look and feel younger.
Finding your feet when you get there
Once your big birthday has come and gone and you realise you are still full of life and ambition, but most importantly that nothing much has changed, many of us want to be maximising and improving the quality of life that we have and that might well include dating if we are single. Unfortunately marriages and long term relationships don’t always last forever and whether you went into your 50th year as a single person or you became single in your 50’s then dating might be one of your biggest goals and aspirations, which can be quite daunting for those of us who have been in a long marriage or relationship that we thought might have lasted forever and all of a sudden we find ourselves alone.
Being single when you’re 50 Plus
Well first of all, for me the first rule of thumb is – don’t panic! It happens to millions of us and after 30 years of marriage we are at our most vulnerable, with 43.6% of marriages ending in divorce at this point in the UK, so usually in a couple’s early 50’s and it may not be anyone’s fault, maybe it just ‘ran out of steam’ at that point and we have to accept that and move on, sometimes that is not both partners preference. But well known divorce experts have often said “It takes two to make a marriage, but only one to make a divorce” and that is absolutely true.
Your choices if it happens
If it happens we can either grieve for our partners and many do or embrace it and move on, which is where a traditional dating agency such as Avenues Dating can help, which we are always ready to do and our advice and help is always free, if you need it.
At this stage though, many people will want to grieve for their lost partner and not be at all ready to move on at this stage – there is certainly no shame in that and going through a proper grieving process could help many understand why it happened and how things could have been different and most definitely how we can make things different next time.
Happily there is a wide range of support available through coaches and counsellors, which could just help you back on track again.
If dating is your therapy
If however dating is your therapy and that feels the right way forward – ‘washing that man (or woman) right out of your hair’ can work very well too and once again Avenues Dating would be delighted to help, whenever you need it.
What people going into dating need to realise however is that there are some pitfalls or even bear traps along the way and there are several different ways for you to begin to meet people that you may not realise if you have been out of the need to do this for many years, it might even be that you might never have formally dated before if your ex was an a schoolmate, someone you met at Uni or a work colleague, perhaps you just fell into it quite naturally and if that’s the case then maybe the plethora of dating methods and opportunities that are out there may well seem a little overwhelming.
Dating for the over 50s in the 2020’s
You have a lot of choice quite frankly but it boils down to 5 key areas and here we look at the 5 of them in a short overview:
- Online Dating – online sites began springing up in the USA in 1995 and the UK in 1997, the first was Kiss.com and this was quickly followed by Match.com – they are still going strong today, along with eHarmony.com which followed in the year 2000 and more recently the German owned Elite Singles.
- Speed Dating and dating events followed, Speed Dating began to take the UK by storm in 2002 through the launch of Speed Dater, When the Music Stops followed in 2003, Slow Dating in 2005 and later Ditchordate.com were the UK’s big 4. Prior to this www.thedinnerclub.co.uk and then www.RSVP-int.co.uk had been holding events for singles for many years, RSVP being formed way back in 1992, these were more dinner parties, black tie balls, country walks, weekend breaks, guided tours etc.
- Personal Introductions, now known more universally by the U.S. phraseology Personal Matchmaking, has been around since the early 18th century, when the World’s first matrimonial agency opened its doors in London in 1705. The Dating Agency concept boomed after the 1st World War and many cities in the USA boasted its own ‘Matchmaker’, this was followed in London in the 1930’s when Heather Jenner and Mary Oliver opened ‘The Marriage Bureaux’ in Bond Street, London, which ran until the 1990’s.
- Dating Apps, the first of which was Tinder in 2012, have been the latest addition to the fold. Others such as Bumble, Hinge and Happen are also out there as a variation on the theme, which is basically strongly reliant on 1st impressions and to see if you find someone physically attractive. Swiping right for yes or left for no, without much further thought or consideration. However with dating fraud and fake profiles running at high levels, maybe the recent Netflix film ‘The Tinder Swindler’ might well have thrown even more doubt in peoples minds, particularly the over 50’s. The over 50’s grouping may well have significant assets to protect and are an age group where there probably they would like to see more ticks in more boxes than younger groups and perhaps aren’t keen as take the risks that younger people may be prepared to.
- Many people still hope to meet naturally but now Clubs, Bars and Pubs are less prevalent, they may have to rely on the checkout queue at Sainsbury’s or Waitrose or hope they will bump into someone at the bus stop or on the Tube, so for many if you aren’t VERY lucky it could be a long wait and many people seek professional help.
So there you have it – a short overview of dating for those over 50, particularly for those that are new to it, we hope you have found it useful. If you have any more questions then the team at Avenues Dating are always happy to get involved and assist you or advise on what may be the best route forward for you, completely free of charge too. So if you have anything you aren’t sure about we are happy to help on 0800 644 4160 – it’s at our expense too. Or leave your details below and we will phone you within 24 working hours. Please do make that call – it’s totally free and without obligation.
